"he's as blind as he can be..."
I wish I could blame everything on being Irish. But that would be too easy. And unfair to the Irish. My heritage is English. And other stuff. You'd have to consult my neice, the family geneologist.
I've been MIA for a while. And usually that means that I've been happy. But, oh on. On the contrary, I've been busted. And a little scared.
I had my two young proteges confront me about old men chasing younger women. Drawing the lines in our relationship. Making sure that I realized that our relationship was teacher/student. That older men and younger women was a sick match.
No. O. N. Fucking O. Even though, as a former president confessed, "I have lusted in my heart," I did nothing. Beyond that. I was the model of restraint. I resisted, I desisted. I held back.
And yet, if you added up the e-mails and events, I was as guilty as Ross Perot of evil-doing. Things I had done and/or said could be read (out of context) as the lewd suggestions of a dirty old man. I felt like Joan Allen. (In The Contender.)
But it was nothing. I was innocent.
What happened? I mean, are you wondering what the fuck I'm talking about? Okay. I was about to start on a project with a couple of women. We had our preliminary meeing to discuss the project. Instead of starting on the project, they told me they wanted to get things straight. One of them felt that I had been inappropriate in some comments and conversations. I was given a lecture about my behavior.
I was stunned at first. Me? Jim, the terminally fucking nice guy? But as I quickly reviewed all of the conversations and emails we had had and sent, I saw how everything could be read wrong. I had been working with these two women, trying to get them to open up, to explore their (perhaps) darker, less-explored sides -- so they could make their design work more personal and emotional. But me trying to get them to open up, trying to get them to explore and reveal that personal side... well, shit, it seemed like I was being some sort of peeping tom, some sort of pervert. Trying to make them open up,. I was misunderstood. Fuck, man, I was innocent. The probing and pushing I had done was to make them self-explore. To make their work more personal.
I was a teacher, abusing her power. (Now, that is funny. I meant, his power.)
ax aX \ZZZXy [and this is where i fell asleep at the computer...]